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7 signs your friendship isn’t working

Meld Magazine

Wed May 07 2014


IF YOU or your friends display some of these traits, it might be time to either work out your differences or rethink the friendship. Ernest Lee shares seven signs that your friendship mightn’t be all that friendly.

One of the perks of studying abroad is meeting people and making new friends. But it’s no longer as easy as it was when you were a kid; when friendships could form simply because you both liked swapping Pokemon cards at the playground.

So when you make a friend, you’ll most likely want to keep them. But if you’re holding onto your new buddies even though they display some of the below signs, then it might be time to rethink the friendship.

1. They’re calculative

If your friend calculates the amount of effort they put into your friendship based on how ‘valuable’ you are to them, then they aren’t really being a good friend.

For example, if they’re only nice to you when they want to copy your assignments or borrow money from you and then disappear whenever you need their help, alarm bells should be ringing.

It’s important that you are there for your friends when they need you, but if they’re not willing to do the same for you, then this is definitely a one-sided friendship that you could do without.

2. They’re controlling

If your friend badmouths people before you’ve gotten the chance to know them yourself, this could indicate they are possessive and seeking to control your other friendships. This situation can be tricky. On the one hand your friend could be trying to protect you, but on the other they may be trying to keep you from forming your own opinion for fear you’ll form a closer friendship with another person.

This may indicate your friend feels insecure about your friendship, so maybe have a talk with them to understand why they feel that way. Even if two of your friends don’t get along with each other, remember that it doesn’t mean you have to take sides.

3. All about me!

We’re all guilty of being a little selfish sometimes, but if you have a friend who is constantly putting their wants and needs before yours, then the scale is tipping in favour of being unfair.

It is true that as a friend you render and lend your support unconditionally but if it gets to the point where all you do when you catch up is listen to them without a chance to speak, speak up! If they’re a good friend, they’ll realise that they sometimes need to be there for you rather than you always being there for them.

4. Honesty is the best policy

Being honest doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to divulge your deepest darkest secrets to your friend. But you should feel comfortable and confident enough in the friendship that you’re able to voice your concerns if a friend has hurt your feelings or done something to upset you.

If you don’t let them know that you’ve been hurt, there’s the risk that your friend will continue to exhibit the same behaviour over and over again, which won’t feel too great on your end.

Be honest, because the best gift to give someone is who you really are – not who they perceive you to be.

5. They’re pushy

If you or your friend are pushing your opinions onto others without considering how it might make them feel, or try to make you do things you’re uncomfortable with, then there is a lot of room for improvement.

Conversations are best when they are two-way, so encourage your friend to listen and do the same – you might even learn more about each other, strengthening your friendship in the process!

6. Overly sensitive

While we can all get down in the dumps sometimes, it’s not healthy to turn a small problem into a big deal if realistically it isn’t.

If you have a friend who frequently needs reassurance, it may be a sign that they are insecure or that there is a bigger problem that you might not be aware of. While it’s frustrating to feel like your friend is using you as an emotional crutch, encourage them to seek professional help if it is a reoccurring issue.

7. Addicted to drama

When a little thing starts to turn into a big deal, it can quickly snowball into an issue that shouldn’t have existed in the first place. Especially if the ‘drama’ was created on purpose.

If you have a friend that spreads rumours about you, that is a form of bullying and not a sign of a true friendship. If their need for attention has become toxic, it may be time to reevaluate your friendship.

Do you have a friendship story or experience to share? Let us know what happened in the comments below!