A READER from Sydney, “The Naked Soul”, wrote in to share how her views on sex before marriage changed once she fell in love.
After I read the debate about sex on Meld’s Facebook page, I felt that I should send in my own experience. I am a strong believer in Christianity that suggests we wait until our wedding night for sex. At first, I agreed because sex is the symbol of two bodies connected into one; in this case through marriage (love and commitment). That belief didn’t last when I met my boyfriend.
We should remember that love is mysterious, it does not tell you when it comes. You meet someone that used to be a stranger to you and who could predict that the day after they could be “the one”? Sex is a symbol of commitment, yes! But does it have to wait until marriage? The answer is no.
I think marriage is just some kind of formality so that the world knows both of you will live life together. The decision to marry comes after you two commit to each other emotionally and financially. Who wants to get married with no money?
However, sex is the commitment/decision made when the two people are sure they love each other. The only question that should be asked now is - what do you mean by love?
When it’s love you will not judge; you like everything about them. When it’s love, and he/she’s the one, they will bring out the best in you; you will brush your teeth four times a day just to impress her/him or even throw all your bad habits into the deepest hole. When it’s love, you will be YOU. When it’s love, you and that person are best friends. And lastly, when it’s love you will feel comfortable and want to share everything with him/her.
These are all the things that happened to me slowly. When the time came, that beautiful way of sharing ourselves happened without premeditation.
Before that happened to me, I spent two days thinking “Is it worth it?”, “Is it allowed?”, and hundreds of other questions. Then if I look back and try to remember about “he and I”, the answer is clear – the love is there everytime I’m with him.
I viewed my first time as beautiful. The way he looked into my eyes, I could feel what he wanted me to know. Sometimes it’s not enough to say that we love someone by words. I think doing what we did was the right way to say “I love you”. All you have to do is recognize the love within you and your partner, then sex is not just about physical satisfaction.
This letter was a submission by one of our readers in response to the Great SEXtember Debate. It has been edited for clarity.
This is one of many different views we hope to share this Sextember. Find out more about the campaign and how you can contribute here.